I don’t think your medical history requires your sitting the kids down and saying, “Kids before I had you, I really didn’t want you, so I went to a doctor …” Maybe when the kids are old enough, and you are having a discussion about how people’s minds can change about you want out of life, you can say that when you were younger you didn’t even think you wanted children—which still doesn’t require your saying you didn’t want them so much you got snipped.
If relatives talk to your children about your vasectomy (notice to relatives: There is no reason you would talk to kids about their father’s reversed vasectomy) then just handle it straightforwardly.
I was recovering from the unexpected death of my husband, had younger children, and “John” was a neighbor’s son who moved home for a few months to assist with his ailing father.
It was a cliché all around but both of us were lonely and struggling.
There is a large distinction to be made between telling the truth and right to privacy, and I think your affair comes under the umbrella of the latter. : At what point, if ever, do you tell your kids you reversed a vasectomy to conceive them? A lot of relatives and friends know I had a vasectomy, and then reversed it. Or should we cross our fingers and hope they never hear?
If your niece were to hear about this long-ago romance it would be one those things that would run as a horror movie in her head and likely damage her relationship with both of you. And how much do you share, if sharing is indeed the right decision to make?
You and John jointly agreed to renew the covert status of your interlude. A: As with daddy’s diaper, Dad’s nether regions may be of seminal interest to the offspring, but that doesn’t mean there’s no zone of privacy around them.