You become friends with the sexy co-worker and decide to carpool to work together. You're married, or engaged, or you're in a committed relationship. All those tingly feelings and the fantasies that perhaps a "perfect love" can really exist isn't destiny knocking -- they're caused by "love chemicals" in your brain.You become "friends" with an ex on Facebook and reminisce about the past. You spend hours thinking about them and your heart races whenever you see a text from them. You tell yourself it's ok because you're not really cheating, you're just chatting. Biochemical research has shown that the effect of these love chemicals is twofold: they are released in response to your friend, and they bond you to him or her.If you find yourself having sexual or romantic fantasies about your friend, you've crossed the line into emotional sex.
But never underestimate the level of danger lurking in chat rooms. And besides, isn’t it more fun talking about personal things to real people? Real contact with friends is a lot more meaningful in the long run than internet chats with faceless strangers, except if you are very shy and have no friends.
Here you can be whoever you want to be – on the Internet everyone is beautiful. Remember that chat rooms, even if you are messaging one-on-one, are not private – people who have the know-how can access these conversations and also the details of the computer from where you are chatting. The Internet is anonymous, distant and cannot really fulfill your social needs on an ongoing basis.
A platonic friendship doesn't have elements of sexual chemistry or attraction. In contrast, emotional sex is much more secretive and it drains energy from your primary relationship.
You may love your friend, but you don't fantasize or daydream about him or her. If you're having intimate talks and sharing things you should only be sharing with your primary partner, or you're sending late night 'just thinking of you' flirty texts, you're not having just an innocent friendship.
Friendship becomes emotional sex when the feel-good brain chemicals and hormones that are released when even thinking about that person take over.